Parental Guidance Suggested
by TheMoonclaw
Summary: Having children old enough to date is frightening enough. It's even worse when trying to figure out if you approve or not of their choices... Is in-line with my 'verse. Contains spoilers, sort of.


**While I attempt to get out of this dispassion stage in my writing, I've been working on stories for many fandoms. And then I wrote this silly piece of random. I honestly don't care if anyone likes it or not; it was just fun to write!**

**Kind of contains spoilers, blah, blah, don't own, blah blah...**

* * *

Edge loved dropping in unexpectedly places.

Especially Baron.

The first reason he loved it was because it caught everyone off guard and watching people pretend not to be flustered was always entertaining. And because they were so unbalanced, it meant that they forewent all the annoying formality.

Upon his unannounced visit, he was informed that Cecil and Rosa were not present.

He further confused everyone by stating that he wasn't here to see the king and queen and that he really wanted to see Kain.

After the initial surprise, they offered to show him the way. He refused flippantly. Really he had no idea where he was going, but he'd figure it out or get lost trying.

After an hour, he admitted he didn't know where he was going and stopped to ask someone for directions.

But directions to an _office_ wasn't what he was expecting.

"Kain!" Edge greeted, not even bothering to knock.

Kain's expression cycled through so many emotions in a spilt second that it was laughable. The mixture of surprise and annoyance that he settled on could be summed up in one word; dread.

"Oh," Kain said, looking back to his work, "you."

"Crystals," Edge exclaimed, "they have you doing paperwork?"

Kain rolled his eyes as soon as he realized the king wasn't here to discuss anything serious, although he was far from finished with his teasing.

"I didn't know that Cecil held grudges, but this is so pay back from all the times you betrayed us." Edge continued, waving a hand in elaborate arcs. "Personally, I find this fate, reduced to clerical busy work, far worse than death. Or life in prison. Or self-imposed isolation on a mountain,"

"What do you want, Edge?" Kain cut in, glaring at him.

He grinned and practically jumped into the chair across from him, asking insolently; "Do I need a reason to visit you?"

"You aren't on my schedule for today," Kain muttered, picking up a folder and squinting at the title written on it.

Now Edge _was_ concerned, "Wait, they have you on a schedule? Do I need to get you out of here before you die of boredom?"

The dragoon sighed and stopped trying to go back to work, finally giving the ninja his full attention, "Boredom, I suspect, is not how I'm going to die. Again, what do you want?"

Since Kain wasn't going to be any fun, Edge met his pointed, blunt attitude with his own dose of straightforwardness; "I want to take a look at Kieran's record,"

There was a pause.

Kain made a face, "What?"

"His record. You know, the one with all the information you keep on people? I want to see it." Edge repeated.

"…Why?" Kain asked suspiciously.

Amazed at the stupid question, Edge stared at him before opening his hands, palms upward, "You're kidding, right?"

"That's a classified, confidential record, you know."

"And?"

Kain sighed and leaned back in his chair, "_And_, last time I checked, you have absolutely no right to see it. Also, I'm not sure why you'd even want too."

Annoyed, Edge waved a hand impatiently at him, "Details. I could have just snuck in here to see it, but I thought I'd just see if you would turn it over."

"Turn it over?" he complained, "It's not causal reading."

Edge shrugged.

Kain frowned at him, giving him a once over, "Is this because of Cuore?"

"…Your powers of deduction are incredible Kain," Edge deadpanned.

The dragoon sighed again, "Look, if you didn't want them together, then you should have said no instead of allowing them to court."

"I _did_ say no," Edge complained, "And then Rydia decided to guilt trip me and draw parallels between us. Not to mention Cuore throwing a fit…"

Kain threw up his hands, "How is your inability to say no to your wife and fear of your daughter _my_ problem?"

"Hey, hey, you made this personal," Edge snapped, pointing at him. "I just want to see his file. If you won't show it to me, I'll get it other ways."

"It's technically illegal for me to show it to you,"

"I technically don't care."

Kain looked irritated, "You know, he _does_ care about her,"

"So I hear," Edge muttered. The dragoon continued as if he hadn't of spoken, "I just think your being unfair. Cuore of all people trusting and even _loving_ someone should speak enough to his character to make you less concerned. She's picky when it comes to friends,"

"Not picky enough," Edge retorted, frowning, "And stop trying to convince me of things. Your opinion is bias, anyway."

"What?"

"He's _your_ apprentice!"

Kain crossed his arms, "And your bias the opposite way!"

Edge held out his hand, "File, now, or I'm leaving."

"It's confidential!"

He groaned dramatically, "Only a problem if someone finds out you showed it to me! I'm not planning on telling anyone, are you?"

Kain stared at him with narrowed eyes.

There was a pause and finally he stood up, sighing, and wandered over to a file cabinet off to the side. "You'd better not tell anyone, because I'm going to get fired for showing you."

Edge grinned, "Then why are you doing it?"

"Because I like torturing myself, apparently, you're a pest I need to get rid of, and I'd like you not to sneak around to get it." the dragoon snapped, glaring over his shoulder. "Besides, I for one see them as a good match, and I'd hate for you to meddle and ruin it."

"And we _all_ know what a good judge of romance you are," Edge quipped just loudly enough for the other man to hear him.

Kain chucked the file at his head and stated flatly; "Catch,"

Grinning, he did just that and then sat back down, flipping it open and resisting the urge to start in the middle. He wanted to read the whole thing, and that meant starting at the beginning.

As he read the basic profile in the front, Kain wandered back to his desk and sat down, obviously intent on making sure he didn't make off with said file.

"His last name is Astor?" Edge commented, "At least it's not silly,"

Kain smirked, "Yes, if they get married, she can drop the one she has now and upgrade."

"…You, be quiet," Edge commented, pointing at him without looking up. "Hmm…I thought so. Older. Not sure I'm okay with that..."

"Are you serious?" Kain said, rising an eyebrow. "He's two years older. That doesn't even count."

"Technically, she's only fourteen," he countered.

The other man nodded, "And by that logic Rydia was seven when you met her."

"Shut up, Kain."

"I'm just using your own conclusions!" he argued.

Edge glanced up as he flipped the page, "I don't know why I'm surprised by your attitude. You like younger women, don't you?"

There was a pause as the man sitting across from him processed the last snide remark. "…Wait a minute," Kain said, holding up a hand. "Please tell me that this whole song and dance is not actually about-"

"Oh look!" Edge exclaimed, talking over him, "Personality profile! Those are always fun…"

Kain glared at him.

"Let's see…unresolved issues…defiant of persons in positions of authority…" he read aloud, skimming the overly wordy and long report. It was detailed, he'd give Baron that, but most of the words were redundant. "Tendency to break rules, overactive temper…"

"Sounds like someone else in this room…" Kain muttered under his breath. Edge spared him a quick glare, since he knew that the other man knew he could hear him.

"Impatient, antisocial, temperamental, rebellious, stubborn," he continued.

Kain scoffed, "Are you purposely just reading the negative parts?"

"Kain, have you seen this report?" Edge asked in disbelief, holding it up, "It's all negative. There's a brief note that he has, on occasion, displayed ingenuity and determination, but other than that, this is basically three pages of bad things."

Kain averted his gaze, "To be fair, that profile was constructed right after the attack, things have happened since then, and I-"

Edge held up the paper and read aloud, "Conclusion; not recommended for active duty."

Kain said nothing, so Edge just kept going, flipping to the next report, the medical report. His eyes widened, "What in the hell?"

"You already know he was present for the Maenad attack," Kain grumbled defensively.

"Yeah, but…compromised immune system, reduced healing time, reduced sensory responses, reduced natural reflexes, burns to approximately fifteen percent of subject's body…" Edge shook his head, "This kid is a walking _corpse_, Kain. It says right here; not recommended for active duty."

Kain frowned, "You know, you would think you'd be nicer to him considering all of this."

Edge shrugged and flipped to the next section, which was a psychological evaluation. He chuckled, "This kid is messed up, and oh look, another recommendation that he shouldn't be enlisted."

The king eyed Kain over the paper, "Was deciding to personally train him like your final act of defiance? Pretty much everyone agrees it was a bad idea,"

"He's not dead yet," Kain retorted sharply. His tone suggested he was fed-up with smart comments and Edge grinned, "Wow, that was something I would have said."

Kain glared at him, arms crossed, "Are you done reading, now?"

"Nope." he replied, flipping a couple more pages and then stopping. He frowned, slowing down to look closer at what he was reading. It was some sort of list and it wasn't looking good.

"What are these?"

Kain shifted uncomfortably, "…Demerits."

Edge glanced up, "As in, he's a pathological rule breaker?"

"I wouldn't put it that way…"

The king chuckled, "Kain, there's over ten pages of red marks! Let's see, four demerits for disobeying direct orders, sixteen demerits for insubordination, eight demerits for talking during meetings, twenty three demerits for displaying improper 'attitude'…"

Edge kept reading, laughing, "This kid…is…unbelievable. Three demerits for failure to complete suspension from active duty, which apparently resulted in more suspension…because _that_ makes sense…"

He frowned suddenly, continuing to skim the pages, "He has more than I do…I wonder if there's some way I can get more…"

"Are you turning this into a competition?" Kain asked dubiously.

Edge glanced up, "Huh? Oh…anyway, what's this one? It looks like you just added it in, and I'm curious what he got into a fight about that resulted in him getting written up."

Kain frowned, looking displeased by the question, "I did just add that. It happened yesterday."

"I'm reading this report, that _you_ filed, and it says he broke some guy's arm," Edge commented, pinning Kain with a look. "What in the world did you teach him?"

"Look, all I'm going to say is that…" the mentor trailed off and then sighed, finishing in a hasty fashion. "If roles were reversed I probably would have acted the same."

"It says it took you and _two other people_ to break this fight up," Edge pried. He wasn't about to let this topic drop, not when it included violence to this extent.

Kain winced, "Well, yes…"

"I'm not dropping this. What was the fight about?"

The dragoon hesitated but finally relented with a sigh and shook his head, "You're going to be mad,"

"Why?" he asked, confused.

Kain shrugged in a motion that was anything but casual, "It…might have been about…Cuore."

"What about Cuore?" Edge commented slowly, not liking where this was going.

Still looking reluctant, Kain held up his hands, "I didn't hear it, but apparently, this guy, someone in another division, said something that Kieran found…disparaging about Cuore."

"Disparaging _how_?" he hissed.

Kain sighed, "I'm not completely sure, _something_ about her origins, Kieran said…or more like ranted…he might have called her some names, too."

"This guy is about to have another broken arm," Edge vowed, glaring at a wall.

The dragoon frowned, "I wouldn't worry about it. He's out of commission for three weeks while his arm heals, not to mention the…other injuries."

"And Kieran?" Edge asked.

"He's supposed to come see me this afternoon to find out," Kain admitted, shrugging. "Probably more suspension and demerits, but…"

"But, that hasn't worked in the past and an assault is a more serious issue," Edge finished.

"Kieran has racked up so many suspensions and demerits that he's liable to get a dishonorable discharge at this point…"

"These do get pretty intense," he agreed, listing off a few more. "Grand theft of military aircraft,"

Kain frowned and retorted defensively, "That was when they went to fight Zeromus at the tower,"

"Unauthorized use of the Serpent's Road,"

"That was when he helped Cuore find Leo,"

Edge frowned, "What about this whole thing with this broken window?"

The dragoon sighed, "Yes, I get it; his record is a complete wreck. Are you finished reading it and making judgments based on pieces of paper and reports filed?"

"I know your implying that files don't tell the full story about a person," Edge protested, waving it in the air, "I know that, already. Yours never mentioned how much fun you are to harass."

Kain scowled at him, "You read my file?"

"Twice, actually."

He glared and Edge grinned, "Come on, Kain, you should be asking who's file I _haven't_ read,"

He flipped past he last of the demerit section and shrugged, "Well, I never could make it through Cecil's. It's so boring,"

"You should see Ceodore's," Kain muttered, rolling his eyes, "It's worse."

Edge had no doubt of that, and shrugged, "I'm not going to lie; this record is…very…interesting." He squinted at the papers in front of him, "Are these commendations?"

"Yes,"

"So, he has four." Edge commented, chuckling, "As opposition to his lengthy demerits,"

Kain sighed, obviously annoyed, "I know Kieran's record looks…imposing, but unfortunately he's had plenty of time over the years to build that record. It's not like he can erase parts, it just keeps building. It's not a clear picture of who he is,"

"No, it's just one hell of a way to tell Kieran's story," Edge pointed out. "Kain, ten pages of demerits, three suspensions and numerous people telling you he's a lost cause,"

Kain looked ready to retort, but the door was thrust open unceremoniously and without knocking, revealing an annoyed looking Kieran who tossed up his hands as he entered, exclaiming, "I'm here, what do you want to yell at me about today?"

Edge grinned, "Say their name and they show up. At least, that's what my family of summoning geniuses is always saying…"

Kieran glanced at him and winced before shifting his gaze to his mentor, "You want me to come back?"

"Pretend I'm not even here." Edge assured them both.

Kieran rolled his eyes and collapsed into the only other unoccupied chair, "Kind of hard when you never shut up,"

Both older men stared at him and he cringed, speaking up apologetically, "I'm having a bad day,"

"No kidding," Edge muttered.

Kieran sighed again, "I spent an hour with Viola just now,"

"How's your hand?" Kain asked.

"Better than someone else's arm. I swear that woman can heal with scolding and lectures alone," he retorted sharply. "Look, can we get this over with?

His mentor frowned, "Why the rush? Eager to get in trouble?"

"Aren't I always?" Kieran muttered, leaning back in his chair. "I know what you're going to say; bad life decisions, think of your future, suspension, demerit…"

Edge couldn't decide if laughing would be inappropriate.

"How about we just go over what happened, first?" Kain suggested in a surprisingly calm tone of voice.

Kieran shot a quick glance at Edge and then looked back, "Can we not do that part and say we did?"

The dragoon merely frowned.

Kieran sighed and leaned back again, "I got in a fight, that's what happened."

"Why?"

"Because that guy was being obnoxious. He had it coming."

Kain nodded slowly, "Maybe, or maybe the situation could have been handled differently,"

"So I'm supposed to just let him harass me all day?" Kieran asked sharply, eyes narrowing. "I'm supposed to let him talk about anyone however he wants, to anyone he wants?"

"So you punched him first?"

Kieran shrugged one shoulder, "Yeah, I did. I'm only sorry I didn't knock him out with the first blow,"

"I bet so is he," Edge mumbled under his breath.

Kain shot him a look that told him to stay out of this and that he wasn't helping. He just grinned back.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kieran mumbled, "It's over and done with. I didn't cause any permanent damage, and I got another demerit out of the deal."

His voice was only part-way remorseful. Mostly it was just sarcastically dark.

"I have to suspend you for this," Kain explained, starting to sound aggravated. "And you have to go to counseling…again. Anger management."

"Oh," Kieran muttered, crossing his arms, "Maybe it will stick this time,"

"Kieran," Kain said in a warning tone. "I'm trying to help you, but you don't make it easy,"

The young man frowned and continued to stare at the wall, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry I'm such a pain to deal with, but I'm _not_ sorry I broke that guy's arm. Give me whatever punishment you want over it. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"What exactly did he say?" Edge asked, sitting up so he could lean forward and force Kieran to look at him.

Kieran hesitated, obviously not keen on talking about it, but he also had no way to avoid the question. "I'd…rather not talk about it,"

"I, personally, would like to hear it," Edge said lightly, continuing to stare.

After a moment more of hesitation, Kieran relented with a sigh, though he let his gaze wander all over the room. "He…asked me what it felt like to be a puppet and to know that I wasn't the first person the _lunar witch_ had enchanted. He said that he hoped that she was at least a good _harlot_ to make up for the fact she had poisoned my mind and ruined my life."

He scowled, "He called her every name I've ever heard someone say about her and I'd had _enough_. I snapped, and I'm not sorry that I did."

There was an awkward pause as they sat in silence. Kieran was still stewing from his bad mood, Kain was trying to figure out what to do and Edge was debating making this troublemaker mysteriously vanish without a trace…

Kieran suddenly sighed, "Is that my file?"

Edge glanced down at the papers still in his hands, "Yes,"

Kain winced and Kieran shot him a brief glare, "Thanks a lot…" Shifting his annoyed look to Edge, he frowned, "You know, if you wanted to know something about me or my past, you could have asked."

"Would you have told me about all of these demerits?" Edge countered, more curious then anything.

Kieran shrugged, "You read the part about grand theft of military aircraft?"

"Oh yes,"

"Still ticked about that. Ceodore totally joined in, but _his _record is spotless." Kieran griped.

Kain rolled his eyes, "That's because Ceodore doesn't go around breaking people's arms,"

"Not everyone can," Kieran retorted at a mutter.

Edge chuckled.

The dragoon looked annoyed at how this conversation was going and attempted to steer it back on topic, "Kieran, regulations state that for an assault, you have to be suspended from active duty for two weeks. That starts today."

Kieran shrugged.

Edge glanced between the two of them, "Well, sounds like you have a two week vacation from boredom central. Want to come visit Eblan?"

"What?" both apprentice and mentor chorused in confusion.

Edge shrugged, "Well, he has nothing else to do. Besides, I illegally read your file; seems fair you can read mine."

Kain looked ready to jump into the conversation with a protest, so he continued, talking over him, "Besides, I kind of need someone to give me a lift on an airship,"

"Suspended, remember? My pilot's license included." Kieran said.

"Grand theft of military aircraft," Edge reminded with a grin.

He mirrored the expression and hopped to his feet while Kain shook his head, "You can't-"

Edge turned back to look at him, one hand opening the door, "Sorry, Kain. I'd invite you to come too, but you have so much paperwork that I wouldn't want to hinder your work."

"Maybe next time," Kieran teased.

Edge made a face, "Maybe _never_,"

Kain just glared at both of them as they exited his office.

Once in the hallway, Edge picked a random direction and started walking, "So, tell me about this time you punched Ceodore in the face. _That_ sounds like a fun story…"

* * *

**Someday, I have to actually write up that punching in the face scene since it's been mentioned a bunch...**

**Well, there you go. This. It was a lot of fun to write, and I do consider it 'canon' within my 'verse. Because, Kieran has to get accepted into this whacky family somehow...And writing lines and lines of Kain and Edge bickering is surprisingly fun.**

**Kieran strikes me as the over-protective type. Talk trash about someone he likes and he'll beat your face in. **

**Anyway, there you go! We'll see where my writing takes us next...**


End file.
